Every SEC Coach’s Best Pickup Line For Sydney Thomas

Credit: Sydney Thomas

By Cody McClure (with help from Sam Beard and Jon Reed)

You’ve probably seen this story by now.

An SEC football coach allegedly slid in the DMs of the hot Alabama girl Sydney Thomas, most notably recognized as the ring girl from the Mike Tyson/Jake Paul fight last month.

Speculation has been swirling as folks try to figure out which coach it was.

Lane Kiffin has been deemed the most likely to have injected himself into the DMs of the college girl. But then again, it could be anybody.

What are the odds on this? I have determined them as follows:

Kiffin: -10000

Anyone else: 1000 to 1

The story got us to thinking here around the office, what pickup lines would SEC coaches use to land a girl like Sydney?

Here’s what we came up with.

Steve Sarkisian, Texas

“Wanna get a drink sometime?”

Lane Kiffin, Ole Miss

“You’re the same age as my daughter. I like that. Will you call me Daddy too?”

Kalen Deboer, Alabama

“Big shoes aren’t the only thing I wish I could fill.”

Hugh Freeze, Auburn

“What will $500 get me?”

Sam Pittman, Arkansas

“I ain’t promoting it, but you and me ought to go have a cold beer.”

Brian Kelly, LSU

“Several years ago I killed a kid and now I plan to kill you with kindness, ma’am.”

Jeff Lebby, Mississippi State

“Any chance your last boyfriend died?”

Mike Elko, Texas A&M

"This could be us but you playing.”

Kirby Smart, Georgia

“Road head?”

Brent Venables, Oklahoma

Because of his inability to score, Venables was unable to approach Sydney. However, he did say to his buddy at the bar,

“Boomer Sooner … I’d like to boom her sooner. What I mean, Dale, is sooner rather than later, because I am going to be fired. Yeahhh get you some of these Vena-balls!!!”

Josh Heupel, Tennessee

“The Heisman Trophy and love making … two things I finish second in.”

Billy Napier, Florida

“I like it swampy and I like to turn it around halfway through.”

Eli Drinkwitz, Missouri

“Stand on business? How about sit on my face instead?”

Clark Lea, Vanderbilt

“I know I look like a dick with ears, so perhaps you’d be interested in my sixth-year quarterback.”

Mark Stoops, Kentucky

“I’m about to come into a windfall of cash. Let me go wild on that cat.”

Shane Beamer, South Carolina

“You know many beers I’d need for you?”