Danny ‘Deep Pockets’ White Raising Your Ticket Prices Again

By Cody McClure

I’m almost out of milk, Danny.

I am a seasoned old milk cow and have had my udders worked for some time now.

I feel that I’m going dry. Sooner rather than later.

Today it was announced that Vols AD Danny White would be raising ticket prices on us fans yet again.

Ticket prices for basketball will go up 6 percent on average, not to mention the 10 percent talent fee being added.

I feel as if I’m officially being pasteurized. Homogenized even.

Soon my milk will be nothing but raw, slimy chunks that become cottage cheese.

I may be culled from the herd. Perhaps even put down.

Sold for slaughter and used for ground beef.

You’ll know I didn’t make it the next time you bite into a hot dog at TBA.

Is there a sanctuary I could join? Anything?

Please help me before it’s too late.