That school in Austin needs to be put back in their place…again.
It never fails that every other year or so a delusional fan or two come out of their hole to try and claim that the University of Texas is the “Real UT.”
It also never fails that every other year or so a Tennessee fan or two puts those morons in back in their place. Guess who that lucky Tennessee fan was this time around?
That’s right, yours truly.
It was just another ordinary Tuesday night. There I was, lying in bed subscribing to The New Yorker because I am actually a 70-year-old man, when I happen to see what will now be referred to as Exhibit A:
Once I came across this, I knew there was work to be done.
See it’s like a puppy. If you don’t bop their snoots when they piddle in the house then they will never learn. Cue the defense, which will now be referred to as Exhibit B:
Let’s take a deep dive into my response.
We will start with a fun fact: did you know that the theme park Six Flags originated in Texas? Want to know why?
Because over its history, six different flags have flown over the state. Not six different variations of the state flag, but six different ruling flags. Those cowpokes couldn’t even keep the FRENCH out.
I’m going to let that simmer for a moment. Now that I am done laughing hysterically, we can move on.
That should be enough said, but these damn Texans can’t seem to remember how much they owe this brave Tennessean. Had it not been for him and a brave group of TENNESSEE VOLUNTEERS, then they would be speaking Spanish and would be just another state in Mexico.
The defense at the Alamo by Crockett and his men slowed Santa Anna and his forces while the Texans were off doing God knows what to a herd of cattle. Crockett was ultimately captured and executed after his heroic defense that saw him kill some 200 Mexican soldiers.
Again, show some respect you flatfoots.
Let’s get to what really matters: college football.
First and foremost, the University of Tennessee fielded its first team in 1891, while the University of Texas didn’t field a team until 1893.
The one everybody likes to look at: National Championships.
Texas has four claimed and five unclaimed natties. Impressive right? Well, Tennessee has six claimed and eight unclaimed.
Take that and shove it up your Lone Star.
The icing on the cake, their stadium with the uterus in the stands (see above) only holds 100,119 while the cathedral known as Neyland Stadium holds 102,455. Thus proving size matters.
I will say overall the state of Texas is the greatest state in the union. But don’t come at the great state of Tennessee with that “real UT” garbage and not expect to catch these metaphorical hands.
Thank you for coming to my Ted Talk (cut the check).