Every year, we put together a drinking game for the Super Bowl. Because sometimes, you just need a little help getting through it (see: Super Bowl LIII).
All things considered, this should be a good game, but you never know. Here are the rules below if you need any reasons or guidance to drink whilst taking in a football game. If you want a proper preview, check out our actual game preview here.
This is the first year I’m adding this, because it seems like these rules need to be carried over from previous drinking games. Some things never change, I guess.
1. Political undertones in a commercial? Take a drink.
Play this one fast and loose. If something is even *slightly* political, this rule comes into play. Extra drinks if you considering a commercial political ignites a fierce debate at your Super Bowl party.
2. Sad animal commercial? Take a drink.
It’s Budweiser. Every. Single. Year. Take an extra drink if you’re drinking a Budweiser when you watch the sad animal Budweiser commercial. If you’re drinking Budweiser *because* of the sad animal commercial. . .what the hell is wrong with you?
3. If the quarterback’s age is mentioned, take a drink.
This started last year when it was young vs. old in Tom Brady vs. Jared Goff, but there’s a very strong possibility that the announcers will mention it at least once. Jimmy Garoppolo and Patrick Mahomes are 28 and 24, respectively. The average NFL age is like 26. It’s not interesting.
Super Bowl LIV Rules
1. Look at all this tradition between these two teams. Take a drink.
Everyone knows these two teams have been around the league since the beginning. That doesn’t make this match up more interesting. If anything, it makes it a little stale. But Lord knows, the NFL is going to try and push this narrative on anyone with ears to hear it.
2. Any mention of Joe Montana, take a drink.
Hey, did you know that Montana played for both of these teams? If they choose to do an interview with him or a special segment for him, try drinking through the whole thing without putting your drink down. Could be fun.
3. “Both of these teams wear red”. Take a drink.
For some reason, this has been everywhere in the lead up to this game. Why? Who cares? I don’t know. Drink every time you hear the word “red,” regardless of context, if you want to play on hard mode. Good luck when they start talking about how good/bad these two teams are in the red zone.
4. Kyle Juszczyk or George Kittle pancakes someone? Take a drink.
Take an extra drink if you hear someone stumble over the name “Juszczyk.”
5. A Chiefs receiver makes an NFL athlete look slow? Take a drink.
Like George Kittle being a dominant blocker this year, we’ve already covered Chiefs skill position players being freaky fast in our actual Super Bowl preview. But frankly, neither of those facts really get old, they’re still just fun to watch.
6. 49ers sack? Take a drink.
Again, we’ve already covered this in our Super Bowl preview, but it’s worth keeping an eye on. Mahomes has already proven that he can be slippery in the backfield, but this 49ers pass rush is scary.
7. An insurance commercial barely mentions anything remotely insurance related? Take a drink.
No, Geico. Your stupid Pinocchio Beaver commercial does not make me want to use your service. No, Progressive. Flo and that dumb spiky haired dude being dumb don’t make me want to switch over to your service, either. If you’re going to pay millions of dollars for a commercial in prime time, you would think it would be to actually plug your product or service. But, then again, you probably don’t have major insurance company money.
(Side note: if you haven’t figured it out by now, I’m trying to make it to where you’re just drinking through the entire commercial break. Good luck Monday morning!)
8. Any mention of Kobe, take a drink.
It’s bound to come up. Pour some out, even if you’re inside, and take a drink.
9. Richard Sherman talks shit after the play, take a drink.
Sherman has always been a mystery. The only times his name ever comes up is when he is getting routed up or exposed by the leagues best, or he is talking trash after the whistle. Yet he continues to show up year after year either among the leagues best at his position and/or in the biggest games. Quite the enigma.
Regardless, he’s bound to open his mouth and talk some after a big play. The best corners always do.
10. Pervy halftime show guy at your party? Take a drink.
Who the hell books these halftime shows? J-Lo and Shakira are a combined age of 92 years old and have never once targeted the demographic of most NFL fans. Would this have even been an entertaining show if they were both in their prime? I don’t know. What I do know is, there will probably be some pervy old dude within a mile of you that is loving it. Take a drink if you’re in the same room as him.
As always, if you’re going to drink and have a good time on Sunday night, don’t drive. That’s what Uber, Lyft, buses, etc. are for. Good luck!