This is it! The culmination of one of the best NFL seasons in recent memory. And what do we get? One team everybody is sick of seeing make the Super Bowl, and the Los Angeles Rams.
Even if it is the Patriots playing in this game again for the fourth time in the last five seasons, it still should be a fun one. The Rams have a stellar offense and a defense lead by some guy named Aaron Donald. More on him in a bit.
And obviously, the Patriots have guys that have been through this process about a million times, so they’ll probably make this game interesting.
But to help make the game more interesting, we’ve expertly crafted a very particular set of rules to make the game more fun for everyone of legal drinking age.
Rule 1: Every time someone mentions that it is a rematch of Super Bowl XXXVI, take a drink.
This includes anything they show on the broadcast or any wannabe know-it-all at the party you’re at. Take two drinks if that same person/broadcast info drop points out that the only common denominators between that game and this one are Tom Brady and Bill Belichick. Take THREE drinks if the real GOAT Adam Vinatieri gets some love as well during this whole process.
Rule 2: If you watch the halftime show, take a shot.
I can’t remember the last time the NFL put together a halftime show worth a damn. They’re pretty predictable (most of the time) and the music is never really great, just good. During halftime, most people find something else to do anyway. Get some food, take the dog out, draw something, practice witchcraft, I don’t know. But if you’re not one of those types of people and you prefer to watch the halftime show, take a shot of your favorite liquor with a friend. If you’re alone, go buy a friend or something.
Rule 3: Political undertones in a commercial? Take a drink.
You know the ones I’m talking about. This is up to your discretion, as well, determining what can be considered political. All I know is, there’s a strong chance that someone at your Super Bowl party is going to have something *very well informed* to say about one of these commercials at some point.
Rule 4: Every time someone’s age gets mentioned on the broadcast, take a drink.
Hey, did you know Brady and Belichick are really old? Or did you know that Jared Goff and Sean McVay are really young? Did you know that those things are different??? Take two drinks every time you hear the phrase “age gap,” too.
Rule 5: Did you hear about this new stadium in Atlanta?!?!?! Take a drink.
This one might not happen much. Or it will happen way more than it should. Everybody and their mother has already heard about Mercedes-Benz Stadium, where the game is being played. Even if it is just a mention here or there about the retractable roof, take a drink if someone mentions the stadium.
Rule 6: Every time a celebrity appears in a commercial, take a drink.
I’ll admit, I used this one in the last Super Bowl drinking game I put together. But since it worked so well the first go round, it is making a second appearance in this year’s game. Take two drinks if it’s Jason Bateman or Cardi B. They’re marketable?
Rule 7: Every time you see the goat emoji on social media, take a drink.
Good luck keeping up/not passing out if Brady wins this one. The goats always come out whenever Brady does so much as complete a 10-yard pass. If you’re a professional drinker and you want to play on hard mode, take a drink whenever you see the emoji or any variation the G.O.A.T acronym.
Rule 8: If Aaron Donald murders Tom Brady, take a drink.
Yeah this guy.
A reminder that Aaron Donald is a freak of nature.
This isn't how an NFL Defensive Tackle is supposed to look like. pic.twitter.com/A5VlJgBzeA
— Dov Kleiman (@NFL_DovKleiman) January 29, 2019
Not only would Brady probably be dead if Donald gets a clean hit on him, Donald will likely get thrown out of the league for tackling another football player
Rule 9: Sad animal commercial? Take a shot.
Remember that sad dog commercial from Budweiser? Or the sad horse commercial from Budweiser? Or that other sad dog commercial from Budweiser? Not sure what the advertising big wigs of the world think is relatable about sad animals and their product, but it’s bound to happen at least once.
Rule 10: PENALTIES??? NFL REFS ARE BAD??? Take a drink.
No way they talk about penalties on the broadcast, so this is more of a rule for the people you’re hanging out with. The Saints no-call will probably come up. Reviews taking too long will probably come up. NFL refs being awful will probably come up. Anything that can be tied back to the referees or recent, notable penalty calls warrants a drink.
I hope these rules help everyone have a wonderful Super Bowl Sunday. Drink responsibly, know your limits, and don’t drink and drive. What are friends, Ubers, or cabs for if not to chauffeur you around when you’ve been drinking.