Cheesy limo entrances, Alpha-male drama, and well-to-do people whining about COVID-19; the Bachelorette is back!
Needless to say episode one didn’t disappoint. We have to dive into the men and how the handled the COVID tests. Of course we are going to talk about DM-Gate 2019.
It just wouldn’t be a Bachelorette recap if we didn’t talk about the limo entrances. We also have our Top 3 Bottom 3 of episode one!
It was cringy how dramatic they all were concerning the COVID precautions
These grown were absolute children when it came to the pre-filming testing protocols. Buddy, I have been tested four times since July 29 because work requires a negative swab to return to work and not once have I acted like they did.
(Side note, my bloodwork came back completely negative, work just requires a negative swab.)
Get over yourself.
Then, the amount of whining about having to quarantine. Pal, you made the decision and you knew the time commitment. It’s not like you would have been or could have been dating during your quarantine time anyways.
Alright, that rant is over.
Let’s discuss some of the limo entrances
For those who don’t know, the Bachelorette limo entrances are usually one of the highlights of week one.
Kenny, the Boy-Band, Cover-Band manager showing up in a t-shirt with his dogs on it was eh. Great play using your dogs, but try less dude.
Bennett rolling in all classic-Hollywood dapper in a Rolls Royce was pretty epic. At this moment, we stan for Bennett.
Dale Moss did nothing special, but he had Clare shaking in her boots. Of course, if you believe the rumors, we know why.
Shouts out to our mans Eazy keeping the Bachelorette tradition of the Salmon Jacket alive.
Jason rolling in with the ‘pregnant belly’ was a great ode to Clare’s entrance seven years ago.
Jay rolling up in the full suit of armor was a no-go for me.
Enough of the limo entrances, let’s get to the tea.
Less than an hour and a half in and we already had our first scandal
Is it really The Bachelorette if there isn’t drama the first episode?
Yosef, the 30-year-old medical device salesman from Daphne, AL was the defendant. Tyler C., the lawyer from West Virginia (we tip our hats to the accent) was the plaintiff.
Tyler had been approached by a friend claiming that Yosef was in her DMs while quarantining for the show. When confronted by Clare, he gave a very lame non-answer.
Regardless, Clare shut it down immediately and handled the situation as best she could on night one. Cue Amazing Grace on the bagpipes, it’s time to talk about who went home.
The first casualties of the season are official
Who went home: Tyler C, Chris, Page, Mike, Jordan M, Jeremy, A.J.
Tyler C: the tattletale and night-one drama starter.
You hate to see it, but good riddance.
Chris: Nothing much to say here, which is probably why he got sent home.
Page: He doesn’t really seem like Clare’s type in the first place so this wasn’t a shock.
Mike: I mean he is Canadian.
However, he was a victim of the drama in that it took up time he could’ve used to talk to Clare.
Jordan M: Again, another victim of DM-Gate.
Jeremy: He laid it on a little thick right off the bat and I just think that she saw right through it.
A.J: I mean the guy nearly broke her friend, is this really a surprise?
Last but not least, out Top 3 Bottom 3
Bennett: I have a knack for being drawn to douchebags and not recognizing it and I very much recognize this could be one of those situations.
As of now, I have reason to believe that is the case and we stan Bennett at this moment.
Blake Moynes: This man took a chance and broke the rules to reach out to her before filming just to check on her. What a guy.
Eazy: the Salmon suit goes a long way, but he really seems like a genuine dude there for the right reasons.
Now onto the Bottom 3.
Yosef: If you are part of drama night one, I am definitely out.
Kenny: He just looks like a total tool. The clip of him in the teaser also triggers me and makes his face even more punchable.
Dale: I know the rumors. I just hope they aren’t true because I do not get a good vibe from this guy. He very much seems like a snake and Clare does NOT deserve that.
Be on the look out for next week’s recap immediately following episode two!