The NFL’s postseason apex is always the biggest football game of the year, and — regardless of which two teams made it —everyone will be watching Super Bowl LII. With that said, not everyone likes the Eagles or the Patriots.
In fact, most folks around the country don’t really like either of them. Therefore, in order to deal with the inevitability of one of these two teams winning and being forever etched in the NFL history books, we’ll all have to drink, and drink heavily.
Whether you’re casually sipping whiskey or pounding brews to cope, we have designed a drinking game with rules that will have you both engaged and, in the end, buzzed.
Rule 1. Every time the Patriots are penalized, take a drink.
This is an easy one. The Patriots have been exceptional this postseason preventing penalties, yielding only five so far in both of their games. They only were only called for one penalty in the AFC Championship game, leading people to believe there is a conspiracy in place to help the Patriots succeed. It will be interesting to see how a referee crew known for throwing flags handles the stage.
Rule 2. Every time Derek Barnett makes a play, take a drink.
Drink part in celebration, and part in mourning. Every Vol fan knows how amazing Derek Barnett was in his time at Tennessee and how much he means to the program now. After all, breaking Reggie White’s record one year faster than the four in which it took to set is no small task. So, celebrate the good that was and is Derek Barnett.
On the other hand, you can’t help but be reminded of what could have been had Barnett not played for Butch Jones. For most Vol fans, any mention of Derek Barnett, Alvin Kamara or Josh Dobbs brings one part happiness, another part sadness that their talent was squandered under the former Vols coach.
Rule 3. If you spot a Vikings fan in the stands, take two drinks.
There is bound to be some poor Vikings fan out there that, in the heat of the post-miracle victory over the Saints, bought a ticket to the Super Bowl and couldn’t sell it. I know that if I were that guy, I would go all in and don the finest fan gear I own and go to the game anyway just to experience it all.
In the worst case scenario, the Eagles win, and you have to deal with their fans again. Best case scenario, the Patriots win, and you get to rub it in the face of every Eagles fan you see.
Rule 4. If someone in the room with you mentions Matt Patricia’s beard, take a drink.
I mean, look at it.
The beard progression of Matt Patricia. (Slow sports night) pic.twitter.com/FxaJkHVB9f
— Ryan Field (@RyanFieldABC) January 17, 2018
Patricia is known for his bountiful beard, and it’s bound to come up at least once among the people you’re watching the game with. If Cris Collinsworth mentions his beard, finish your drink, because that would be incredibly uncomfortable. Shotgun your beer. Chug your shot and chase it. Whatever it takes to get what just happened out of your brain.
Rule 5. Every time a celebrity makes a cameo role in a commercial, take a drink.
Take an extra drink if it’s a Game of Thrones character. Living or dead.
Rule 6. If Carson Wentz has “been a supportive teammate” during his time injured, take two drinks.
Drink too if you hear the broadcast team mention any other variation of Carson Wentz helping the team/Nick Foles while injured, because of course he has.
Rule 7. If you hear the words “kneeling” or “National Anthem protests,” take a drink.
If you’re not already sick of hearing about it, keep drinking.
Rule 8. If Tom Brady turns the ball over, take two drinks.
This hasn’t happened much, even with Tom Brady being on this stage seven previous times. In those seven games, he has thrown an unbelievable total of just five interceptions. Don’t expect that trend to change much this year, even against a strong Philadelphia defense.
Rule 9. If Justin Timberlake rips someone else’s clothes off, finish your drink.
No one was prepared the first time it happened, so keep your heads on a swivel, everyone.
Rule 10. If anyone says the words “Dilly Dilly,” drink until it’s funny or you’re tired of it.
It just has to be the opposite of how you feel about the joke sober. Extra points if you do it when the Dilly Dilly Super Bowl edition inevitably airs.
I hope these rules help everyone have a wonderful Super Bowl Sunday. Drink responsibly, know your limits, and for the love all things orange and white, don’t drink and drive. Call a friend, catch a bus, or take an Uber, just don’t drink and drive.