By Cody McClure

It’s that time of year. Postseason college football.

The Vols are a part of it this year. Isn’t that exciting? I’m excited about it.

Few things excite me more, in fact, than watching good football. But one of those few things is attractive women.

The world is full of beautiful women, as we all know. From Mongolia to America to Sudan to Australia. Good looking broads everywhere.

Sorry, ladies (the three women who will read this). I know “broads” is an outdated term, but I just can’t stop saying it. I don’t mean it in any type of negative way.

You gals sure are nice to look at, though, and I’m here to rank Tennessee’s potential playoff landing spots in terms of where the best-looking women are located.

Let’s give it a shot.

No Thanks: The Midwest (first round), Dallas (Cotton Bowl), New Orleans (Sugar Bowl)

I’m not saying there aren’t any good looking ladies in the midwest, Dallas, or New Orleans, but I’m narrowing this list down to a top five.

And I’m also thinking of it in a biased way, due in part to where I want to travel. I have no desire to go to cold ass Ohio or cold ass Pennsylvania.

With that said, it currently looks like the Vols will be heading to one of these places in the first round. Maybe they got babes, but they ain’t making my list.

Dallas? What am I looking for in Dallas, a twice-divorced housewife with too-high expectations who goes to Sweetgreen twice a day and drives a Mercedes? I’m out! And she ain’t gonna want me either.

New Orleans? The last thing I need in my life is a woman to turn me into her own personal action figure and force me to do things I don’t want to do. Can’t handle the Voodoo.

Honorable Mention: Georgia (on campus at UGA/Peach Bowl/natty)

Athens is a real SEC college town. Some of those college girls grow up to become professionals and establish roots in the same area. And some of them just stay the same age. There’s no shortage of bars to meet these honeys at in Athens.

And then you’ve got Atlanta, which is also known as the Beautiful Black Woman Capital of America. Some of the most beautiful black women in the world reside here. And you know I’m down with the Sisters.

Now we can talk about the top five. This is just personal preference, by the way. Your list may be different, and that’s ok.

5. Austin, Texas

Septum piercings. Hairy armpits. Dirty feet.

The Holy Trinity.

The Hipster girls of Austin, malnourished as they may be, are quite beautiful in their own way. These chicks hang around Barton Springs like flies. Good flies. Flies whose fathers buzzed away some years ago.

They are easy on the eyes if you’re into their kind. I am. They are also easy to talk to, particularly if you’re into astrology.

They are pleasant and don’t judge you for being overweight and gross like me.

Sadly, you don’t want to build a relationship with this type of woman, as she is likely to have relations with someone close to you when she is done with you.

Still top five in my book. It is unlikely that Tennessee will have to travel to Texas. But it’s possible as a first round destination.

4. Arizona

You ever meet a broad who doesn’t like the sun? Me neither.

Arizona is full of beautiful women. Many of them gravitate toward Phoenix after their party days in Tucson are finished. Others just stay nearby after a failed stint at Arizona State.

The warm weather cultivates an energetic culture of babes. Some come from the Midwest. Others come from California for a cheaper cost of living.

The point is, they all ended up in a place where it’s always acceptable to wear a bikini, and for that we’re thankful.

Tennessee ending up here would require a bid to the Fiesta Bowl.

3. Knoxville, Tennessee

Why not just find a beautiful woman here at home?

We all want to host. And while it looks unlikely as things stand today, it’s worth giving a shoutout to the beautiful Southern ladies right here in our backyard.

You girls have just got that special charm. There’s a certain sweetness about a Southern girl that you can’t find in other places.

Most of them are homegrown, and thus, love where they’re from. They’re prideful and loyal to the Vols.

A man simply cannot go wrong with a homegrown Knoxville girl.

This type of woman is also more likely to be a good cook, and less likely to run around on you. Worth taking home to Mom.

If you are this type of woman and are looking to play your cards wrong, let me know.

2. Miami

Where else can you get screamed at and maybe hit in the head by a Cuban woman and still have a smile on your face?

Another sun-drenched destination where the ladies are scantily clad. It’s hard to beat South Florida.

It’s not just Cubans and Cuban Americans either. If you like a little spice in your life, if you know what I mean, this is the place for you.

Puerto Rican. Venezuelan. Colombian. You name it. Miami is one of the few places in the U.S. that doesn’t really feel like it’s in the U.S.

It’s truly a cultural hub for women all across Latin America. These women are passionate and somewhat aggressive based on my experience.

Yes, I have experience with women in Miami. Don’t worry about it.

Wouldn’t you love to hear “Ay Papi” once in your life? Where else you gonna hear it? From that ole ball and chain battle axe hag at home? Give me a break.

The only thing hotter than the women in Miami is the weather, as they say.

Tennessee could visit here with an Orange Bowl bid in the semifinals.

1. Los Angeles

The Beach Boys had it right in 1966 or whenever. Sometime in the 60s. Not looking it up.

“I wish they all could be California girls.”

I’m here to tell you folks, it’s true. It’s the place of all places when it comes to beautiful women. There’s a reason that so many songs are written about it.

Hollywood has been drawing in the most beautiful ladies all across America for over 100 years. Wanna be an actress? Go to LA. Wanna be a singer? Go to LA. Wanna be an Instagram influencer and take pics in the sun? Go to LA.

Have you ever heard the expression, “she’s an LA 4?” That’s because the most beautiful girl from your hometown is just another fish in the sea that is Southern California.

With 20 million people in one place, it makes sense. The top-end talent, as well as the average, is just going to be better.

It’s definitely worth a trip to the Rose Bowl if the Vols make it. That’s what I’m planning on.

The sun will be shining.

All images courtesy of SI Swimsuit

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