I Hate The Chiefs And Pat Mahomes Will Never Be Tom Brady

Look at Badass Brady towering over Mini Mahomes here. Image: yahoosports

By Cody McClure

I hate the Kansas City Chiefs. They are bad for football.

The Kelce’s suck. Taylor Swift sucks. The racist war chant sucks. I like Andy Reid, but he’s surrounded by assholes.

And this Patrick Mahomes. I am so tired of this guy.

Absolutely sick and tired of the Patrick Mahomes glazing.

What really pisses me off is these comparisons to Tom Brady. This guy is not as good as Tom Brady.

He doesn’t even have half the Super Bowls that Brady does, and yet I’m already having to hear GOAT talk.

It’s gross. You people need to stop.

People just want to be so quick to spring on everything now. God forbid being late to the party on the take that Mahomes is really, really good.

Not everything has to be the next GOAT.

We see it way too much in sports. Everybody is always looking for the next great one.

And I get it, Mahomes is good. A bit of a system quarterback, but still good.

Has to rely on his defense mostly to win him games, but still good. I mean, it’s comical how good their defense is.

Hell, CBS Sports blogger Jordan Dajian actually predicted that the defense would be the reason the Chiefs win next Sunday. Shocker.

Oh but the numbers… have you seen the numbers? He’s on track to be BETTER than Tom Brady. Look at the side-by-side.

Yeah yeah, blow me with the side-by-side.

The NFL simply needed a new face of the league after Brady, and they decided to go with Mahomes. Simple as that.

Early hero, mid-career villain, likeable again at the end. A tale as old as time. The NFL script was written forever ago, and Mahomes is just the next guy.

Like Vince McMahon once said, anyone could have been Hulk Hogan.

Pat looks good doing it. He’s got swagger on the field. He runs around and has fun. Good role model for the kids watching. Makes sense as the new face of the league.

But what made Tom Brady so great was that he did it at the HIGHEST level for 22 fucking years.

It’s called being an ODDITY. No one has EVER done it THAT GOOD for THAT LONG.

You wanna convince me Mahomes is on that trajectory, fine, but for some reason I just can’t imagine him doing all that running around business in his 40s.

Tom Brady was the Super Bowl MVP at age 43.

You wanna anoint Mahomes, whatever, but I think you’re all idiots. I think you’re wayyyyyyy too early on this one.

Maybe Mahomes will three-peat. Maybe someday you’ll be able to say his peaks were better than Brady’s.

But he’ll never pass the longevity test.

Not with that diet. He’s already chubby and he has an unhealthy obsession with ketchup.

“I used to eat ketchup sandwiches,” Mahomes once said. “I've been a fan of ketchup for as long as I can remember, and the thick, rich flavor of Hunt’s ketchup delivers every time.”

He ate the ketchup sandwiches every other day. And he ate ketchup on his steak.

We call that NOT SERIOUS. And a GOAT has to be SERIOUS. Brady had a perfect diet. Pure discipline.

You can’t be a GOAT if you like snacking.

Thus, Mahomes will never be the GOAT. He’ll fall off in a few years. Bad food and too much running. Bad for the knees.

You watch. We’ll remember him as a really good, much better version of Russell Wilson.

And that’s a good legacy. He’ll be remembered fondly.

But he ain’t Tom Brady.