CODY’S ‘FIVE THINGS I’M LOOKING AT’ WEEK 2

By Cody McClure

Note: Apparently Tucker the Fucker took it upon himself to edit me last week with a “language warning” at the top of the article. Please note that I would never type “language warning” ahead of one of my fun articles.

Whatever it is, the way you tell your story online can make all the difference.

Above: The Fun Police AKA Tucker the Fucker

Let’s start by recapping last week’s five things. I asked, “Is Lincoln Riley overrated? Is USC forever shit?” The answer to both of these questions appears to be NO. The Trojans got a nice, gritty win over LSU.

I asked, “Will Dabo's sorry ass even be able to score against Georgia?” Well, yes, technically Clemson did score a field goal so that’s better than the ole goose egg on the board. But really this feels like a NO as well.

Next question was, “Is it all going to fall apart early for Deion?” Another NO. Coach Prime and the boys from Colorado rallied on Thursday for a tight W against North Dakota State.

“Is Texas A&M still full of freaks who can’t play ball?” Resounding yes. “Will Florida stumble to 0-1 right out of the gate?” GIVE ME A HELL YEAH.

Here’s what’s on my mind in Week 2.

5. Would I rather be a Florida fan or a Florida State fan right now?

Neither of these teams will be in the spotlight this week. Thank God. Florida plays the Samford Bulldogs at home and I predict that even Billy Napier will not lose to the Samford Bulldogs at home.

I will eat dog shit out of a red solo cup with a spoon if Florida loses to Samford at home.

If you’d like to attend that game in person you can be admitted into the stadium for a reasonable eleven dollars. Some consider that a steal these days. Though, it may be a better value to admit yourself into a local hospital’s mental health unit if you are considering going to that game lol (lots of love).

Poor Florida State has gotten dick slapped on national television twice already. The bye week couldn’t come at a better time for the team. For a fan, though, it comes at a terrible time. There’s nothing worse than getting your ass kicked twice and then having to sit there and stew on it for two weeks.

I think I’d rather be a Florida fan right now simply because I know a fun coaching search is on the horizon. The possibility of change is better than just sitting around thinking about your team not meeting expectations.

Would you eat dog shit out of a red solo cup with a spoon? Let me know in the comments.

(Under Review’s Sam Beard chimed in during my writing of this piece. “Would I rather be a Florida fan or Florida State fan? How about Option C? I think I would rather just kill myself!”)

Above: Liar

4. Can Sam Pittman win the Arkansas fan base over again?

Pittman is one of the most likeable coaches in college football. He may be number one most likeable. The guy is just the definition of a good ole boy. Remember when he said he enjoys an old cold beer but noted that he wasn’t promoting it? I mean, what a guy!

Coach Pittman knows how to celebrate 😂 - YouTube

I grew up as a Tennessee fan living in Arkansas so I always hated their coaches. I hated Houston Nutt. I hated Bobby Petrino. I hated Bert Bielema. I kinda enjoyed John L. Smith that one season though. Remember him?

SMILE! SMILE!!!

See, my Arkansas friends used to tease me for being a Tennessee fan. They called me names. Especially when I would wear my team colors.

“Big fat orange piece of shit!” … “Hey look it’s the giant peach. Where’s James?” … Things like that. But even with all that, I find myself rooting for Pittman to have success.

The Hogs play at Oklahoma State this weekend. The Pokes are favored by a tuddy with a hook. It’s a close enough line to where you’d think Arkansas should at least be in the game.

The people of Arkansas love Sam, but I think most would have been indifferent by the end of last year on whether or not they fired him. Many people want change, especially now with Bobby P back in town.

That’s a whole other angle there. The old wolf is back in the hen house.

But my hope is that Pittman can pull off a couple nice Ws this year (not October 5th) to keep the fans on his side.

Would you let a wolf into the hen house? Let me know in the comments.

Above: A fox in the hen house. Like a wolf, he does not belong. 

3. Will Nebraska be the next old dog to shine?

The first week of the season felt a bit like the late 90s/early 2000s. Miami was dominant. USC and Notre Dame won high stakes games. Texas is good. Tennessee is good. The Noles suck, but who cares, it’s not going to be perfect.

I feel like the only thing missing here is a big Nebraska win in front of a national audience. The Cornhuskers host that pesky gang of Buffaloes from Colorado on Saturday night.

Speaking of gangs and Colorado, have you heard about the current frenzy happening over the Venezuelans in Aurora? Apparently a few rascals are causing trouble at an apartment complex out there.

Memorial Stadium in Lincoln will be rocking. It’s a chance for the Huskers to shine under the bright lights and I’m rooting for it.

Everyone will be watching — mainly to see if Coach Prime’s team loses. But they might also just accidentally stumble upon seeing a once-proud program return to prominence, eh somewhat, under a more-than-capable coach in Matt Rhule.

Don’t forget this is a good old rivalry game as well. Nebraska is a 7.5-point favorite. The game will be televised on NBC, I think. It could just be on Peacock but I think it’s on both. I’m not gonna bother looking it up.

Do you know if the game will be on NBC, as well as Peacock? Let me know in the comments.

2. Will Michigan vs. Texas be a college football classic?

This is the game of the week, obviously. Texas seems to have the potential to rough Michigan up a bit on Saturday given their high quality of athletes.

Now I’d like to think Michigan was just keeping things a little vanilla in their less-than-impressive win over Fresno State — the Wolverines won 30-10 despite looking bad for most of the game — but I’m a little worried for them.

Texas has dawgs, and a steer named Bevo. Bevo has been a live mascot for 108 years. He has died and been replaced several times.

I figure I could rope him on a good day.

Above: Bevo the steer. Courtesy of Bleacher Report. 

The Longhorns will be fired up to go into the Big Cheater House and have a nice showing against the defending national champs. Still, I lean toward it being a close game. If it goes lopsided one way, it will be in favor of Texas, but I doubt the defending champs let that happen.

The line is Texas -7.5. Both programs have established a winning culture, and it’s an appealing game for college football traditionalists. This is one of those games that both fan bases — and just football fans in general — have been talking about all offseason.

I think it has the potential to be a classic.

Saturday’s Big Noon on FOX will be appointment viewing. We’ll see if Michigan is able to cheat well enough to win the game.

Do you know the two things that come from Texas? Let me know in the comments.

1. Is Nico Iamaleava a God?

As Tennessee fans, this is all we really care about this week. How does the young king look against a Power Five opponent not named Iowa? Is it Power Four now? Anyway, it’s a big game away from home.

The game is being played in Charlotte, North Carolina. Big NASCAR town. Dale Earnhardt Jr. was born near there. The Vols and NC State will be sharing the primetime spotlight with Nebraska and Colorado.

Our game is on ABC at 7:30 p.m. ET. Tennessee is a 7.5-point favorite — just like Texas, Nebraska, and Oklahoma State mentioned previously. I believe the aforementioned games are all more likely to be close to the spread.

I don’t feel the same way about ours. I think we’re going to put an old fashioned ass whooping on NC State. It’s going to be Nico’s coming out pregame before the coming out party at Oklahoma.

The Wolfpack just doesn’t have the type of horses you need to keep up with Tennessee. That weak ACC can’t compete with the SEC’s top level teams.

And that’s what Tennessee is. A top level SEC team. Sounds good, doesn’t it?

Which Greek God would you pick for Nico to be? Let me know in the comments.

Whatever it is, the way you tell your story online can make all the difference.

Above: Some Greek Gods. From factinate.com.

BONUS: Is it the beginning of the end for Shame Beamer? In my book, this wiry little fella is going head-to-head with Billy Napier in the first-to-be-fired SEC coach battle.

Shame’s team had a terrible showing last week as they narrowly avoided disaster against Old Dominion, winning 23-19. Simply winning (as opposed to losing 41-17) keeps Beamer ahead of Napier at this point in terms of keeping his job longer.

However, I expect the seat to heat up significantly this week when Kentucky smacks Carolina up and down the produce aisle. I say produce aisle because the game is at Kroger Field.

Do you get it? Let me know in the comments.