By Clayton Kilgore

This was written in the immediate aftermath.

The time: Sunday, 10/6, 12:20 AM

Well, there it is.

You flirt with disaster enough times and eventually it finds you and sticks itself in your mashed potatoes. Really tough scene.

I’m writing this while the wound is fresh after a disastrous showing because I feel BAD.

I’m sure everyone will have their own scorching diagnoses as to why we took a fat 💩 in our pants, so I’ll just go ahead and throw mine onto the trash heap. Why not? Maybe putting it into writing will make me feel better, we’ll just have to see.

Feel free to skip this rant if you don’t want to rehash the loss from last weekend.

Laying an egg against Arkansas, who has now beat us in four straight/might own us, and watching the playoff spire that we’ve built and prayed at the feet of taking catastrophic damage at the foundation, is a sobering experience to say the least.

I’m shocked and I’m sickened by what I’ve just seen from this team and the staff.

Not to be dramatic, but this is the worst night of my life. I keep hoping I’ll just wake up, like this is all just a recurring nightmare. Like when you’re having the worst dream ever then you wake up and you’re like “Damn, I’m glad that was a dream. That would’ve SUCKED if it was real life”.

In my nightmare, I try to escape the dread, but I can’t. I’m frozen. Paralyzed and suspended.

I’m in a prison, but finally I can move. I’m thrashing, immobilized, and splayed out like a pig roasting on a spit, but instead I’m on an oversized spider web with the Clockwork Orange things prying my eyes open being forced to watch Tennessee football lose another game they should’ve won.

Like I said, not to be dramatic.

Surely I didn’t just witness our prized recruit, the supposed savior of the program and a Heisman hopeful, run out of bounds on 4th down with no time on the clock. Not again. I thought our punishment after a decade of dog💩 was finalized. This was supposed to be different than when Joe Milton did the same thing in 2021.

Having an extra week to prepare then somehow looking worse than we did against Oklahoma feels like coaching malpractice, nothing more. What was “pulling back” and veiled confidence two weeks ago is now crippling doubt and question marks surrounding the staff. How did they have the team so ill-prepared? What the hell?

The gameplan was painfully flat, sloppy in its execution, and riddled with penalties and miscues. We had shoddy clock management bite us in the ass down the stretch. Unfathomable.

How many offsides penalties were called on us because the Arkansas defensive line did their little pre-snap shift? We looked like a bloody middle school team, twitching and flinching every time anyone moved.

Playcalls felt uncreative and reserved for a second straight game. Knowing what I know now, post-Arkansas, I’m starting to wonder if that’s just who we are and that’s uncomfortable. There wasn’t much of a sense of urgency and the staff seemed content to just fap, fap, fap around until Arkansas broke the seal and decided they wanted to win the game.

The offensive line surrendered 4 sacks and, outside of one chunk play, didn’t create alleyways. They mostly got pushed around, looked outmatched and overall less physical.

Nico had some growing pains. He couldn’t have looked much worse, holding onto the ball too long and missing easy throws.

Maybe we don’t want to risk injury and it’s a preservation thing, but there comes a time when you gotta tuck the ball, move the pocket, and be more aware in general. Organically, as plays develop, this needs to happen. There also need to be designed playcalls built in. For this offense to work, like it did with Hendon Hooker, Nico is gonna have to run.

Still, as much as we didn’t deserve it, there was a chance to snatch this game.

How you run out of bounds on the last play with zeroes on the clock is beyond me. That shit cannot happen, ever.

Sure, the defense scrapped again, and James Pearce looked the best he has all year, so that’s great.

The defense also got three incredibly fortunate stops in the first half and it probably should’ve been worse than the scoreboard indicated. It felt like any time Arkansas was backed up they converted and we had a hard time getting off the field. There was every chance to shift the momentum and capitalize, but we let every one of them slip.

I don’t get it. Inexcusable game, and now the pressure’s on.

We as a fanbase are left blindly grasping, trying to find answers for what just unfolded. I feel empty and foolish for having thought we were different just because we smacked Kent State around. What hurts the most is that I knew better, but I still let myself slip to a certain level of comfort.

As for me? Suddenly, I doubt everything. The season feels more desperate and hopeless than it did before.

TL;DR - Basically the world is ending, everything sucks, and I hate football and sports.

FLASH FORWARD TO TODAY:

There’s another game this week and I’ve settled down.

The Vols fell asleep at the wheel against an inferior team and I’m disgusted by it, but it’s time to gird up our loins and bounce back.

After all, the sun rose again. It’s a new day and life goes on.

We’re on to Florida, and there’s no more time to live in the past. The thing about living the bad-boy life is that you always think you’re the nastiest, toughest guy on the planet, even if you aren’t. That has to be our mentality every game from here on out and the coaches have to nurture that and build a gameplan to match.

What else is there to say? I expect everything but the kitchen sink for what should be Sunbelt Billy’s final game as the head coach of the Gators. It’s a big one every year and we’ll be getting their A-game, no doubt. The Vols are 15.5 point favorites at home and I’m hammering that line, what could go wrong?

It’s Florida week.

Background Information & History:

The program was born in 1906 and has won 3 national titles (1996, 2006, 2008)

2023 Record: 5-7

Head Coach: Billy Napier (2022-Present)

12-16 record
Master of the crew cut + crispy lineup
Once a Sunbelt man, always a Sunbelt man.

Notable Alumni:

Jennifer Lopez

“Jenny from the Block”
Just kidding, just a meteorologist. They WISH it was J-Lo.

Aaron Hernandez

Drafted 113th overall in 2010 by the Patriots
2008 SEC Honor Roll as a sophomore
Murderer

Riley Cooper

Drafted 159th overall in 2010 by the Eagles
Kenny Chesney superfan

Dan Bilzerian

Self-made
Poker champion
Epic and swole (no steroids at all)
Very, VERY popular with the ladies
Owns over 34 jet skis

All-time record vs. Tennessee: 32-21. The Vols lost last year in The Swamp 29-16.

Tennessee started playing Florida every year starting in 1996 and Florida won 11 straight between 2005-2015.

LOGO:

As far as the animal kingdom goes, alligators are objectively cool.

They’re basically dinosaurs. As such, they have insanely strong jaws lined with insanely sharp teeth. They run 💩 in their habitat and eat whatever they want, taking prey to the bottom of the pond and feasting. They lay in the sun all day and no one bothers them, and for that I am jealous.

On a personal level, I’m still carrying the scars from the movie Lake Placid when my parents thought it was a good idea to take me to see it in theaters when I was 10 years old.

Alligators even have a built-in Fatality in their arsenal as apex predators of the swamplands. How many people/animals have actually survived a full alligator attack? I don’t mean just a bite. I could survive that, no big deal whatever. The “death roll” is undefeated as a finishing move, you don’t come back from that.

Anyways. Here’s what Florida went with for their first formal primary logo:

(All logo pictures courtesy of… you guessed it… SportsLogoHistory.com)

Kinda like a shag carpet: really cool back then, not so practical now.

As for alternates, there’s a little more variation there. Here are a few:

The “Try Me, Bitch” Gator. Love me a vintage “animal wearing a sweater” logo.

Say hello to the script “Gators” that we all know and hate.

Florida football wore blank helmets for a long time until 1966 when Steve Spurrier and the crew started rocking these:

Then, from 1968-1978 they wore these:

Note the intertwining UF logo. I guess we missed that one.

Illegal hands to the face, by the way.

I found this handy little graphic that shows all the current Florida uniform options.

Outside of the traditional script helmet logo in orange, blue, white, and black, there are three throwbacks to choose from as well.

Hands-down my personal favorite thing that Florida has ever done with its uniforms:

So dumb. These suck so hard. I love them.

I believe these were thrown together in 2017. REPTILE SKIN JERSEYS. SWAMP WATER PANTS.

What an atrocity.

FINAL GRADE: 7.4

I hate ‘em! BUT at their core, the Florida uniforms are unmistakable. The reptile alternates don’t count, they’re hilarious and ambitious.

OFFENSE:

Impact Players: QBs DJ Lagway and Graham Mertz, RB Montrell Johnson Jr., WR Eugene Wilson III

In typical Florida fashion, they have two quarterbacks that they use in differing roles at different times to give us headaches. These two have nearly identical numbers and it’s anybody’s best guess as to who the Vols will get, so buckle up.

Graham Mertz, the Wisconsin transplant, is their starter, and he’s been fine. He’s perfectly ordinary but for some reason, in my eyes, he isn’t a wildcard and Florida has mostly sucked since he’s gotten there. Not that this is a bad thing, per se, but he’s primarily the pocket passer and so far, he’s 61-for-79 for 666 yards and 5 TDs.

His counterpart, DJ Lagway, brings a different element to the offense. He’s a bruiser at 6’3” 240 lbs., he can run, and he’s completed 38 of 55 passes for 667 yards and 4 TDs. 456 of those yards came against Samford, so take his numbers with a grain of salt.

This might seem weird and it could end up being braindead if he only gets a handful of snaps, but DJ Lagway is my offensive X-factor. He just is. I’ve seen this before.

He’s been a small part of their offense up to this point, but I’m back on high alert, and I know better than to disregard the backup quarterback at Florida. There’s a universe that exists in which DJ Lagway comes in for jumbo running packages/short yardage/goal line situations and no one has an answer for him.

A disciple and follower of Billy Napier, Montrell Johnson Jr. is a physical interior runner. In 2022 as part of a committee with Trevor Etienne he ran for over 800 yards and 10 TDs. This year, his experience is shining through and he’s shouldering the load with 58 carries, averaging 5.0 yards per carry.

After missing the last three games following a knee surgery, Eugene “Tre” Wilson III is absent on the Gators’ injury report and looks like he’ll be in action. Easily their most explosive pass catcher, he’s averaging 95.5 yards in the only two games he’s played in prior to injury. Elijhah Badger and Chimere Dike have filled in nicely (they’ve combined for 623 yards so far, nearly half of Florida’s total output of 1343), but getting their WR1 back for Tennessee is an immediate boost.

DEFENSE:
Impact Players: CB Jason Marshall Jr., DL Cam Jackson, LB Shemar James, EDGE Tyreak Sapp

Here we have a defensive unit that’s been pretty lackluster, no two ways about it. Howeva, desperation is setting in and they’re trying to put a nasty 2023 behind them and save their beloved coach’s job. If ever there was a game they’ll get naughty and find themselves, it’ll be at Neyland Stadium, raining on whatever is left of our parade.

Their general on the perimeter is Jason Marshall Jr. It’ll be his duty to lock things down. He was a product of Florida’s dogshit season last year, so he came back for his senior year, but he’s a potential NFL caliber player. Whether or not that was the right choice, on Saturday if the Gators want to shut down the pass, he’s paramount in that effort.

Similarly, Cam Jackson and Tyreak Sapp will need to be activated and present themselves in the backfield. Currently without a sack through 5 games, Jackson is a draft darling projected in the ~4th round and he could make things uncomfortable if he’s able to create penetration. He’s also a massive human at 6’6” 340, and that’s after a modest weight loss journey. Tyreak Sapp, however, has delivered with 2.5 sacks and 4 TFLs so far.

Shemar James, along with safety Jordan Castell and fellow linebacker Grayson Howard, are making plays and staying busy as well.

SUMMARY:

I don’t even know anymore. My brain is broken and I legitimately don’t know how to feel about this game. I’m nervous again.

We should beat them, we’re better, but I just don’t know.

If we don’t turtle and go full chode-mode then we should be fine, but recency bias has me incredibly uncertain.

Let us end this man and restore order.

Can we please destroy these scrubs at home and get back to equilibrium?

Go Vols.

A Week 7 Deep Dive: Florida

Week 7 SEC Letter Grades: Alabama Through Kentucky

Ole Miss Releases Statement in Regard to “Feigning Injuries”