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Show Me My Opponent: 3:30 PM

Here’s everything else you could be doing at 3:30 PM that isn’t TV-related:

  • Go on a walk
  • Go fishing (it’s supposed to be partly cloudy, I think)
  • Go eat somewhere I guess
  • Get drunk and talk about the DH rule in baseball
  • Go to the Sears Outlet off of Cedar Bluff and grab some socks while looking at the beds that haven’t been moved in six years

Now, here’s your alternate viewing schedule. No real arrangement here, just a grab-bag of suggestions.

FOOTBALL:

  • Florida State at Louisville, ESPN2. Do you like trainwrecks? Of course you do, you Tennessee fan. Do you like MULTIPLE TRAINWRECKS AT ONCE? ABSOLUTELY!!!!!!! The post-Lamar era at Louisville is going swimmingly, while Rack ‘Em has a decent shot at 4-8 or worse.
  • Purdue at Nebraska, BTN. It’s a game between two teams with a combined 1-6 record and it may still be the most interesting game of the 3:30 slot. You can’t really picture Nebraska starting 0-4 ever, but it’s also hard to see Jeff Brohm falling to 1-4.
  • Texas at Kansas State, FS1. Kansas State is garbage this year, but Bill Snyder always seems to pull a win out of thin air, using a quarterback he has constructed out of rubber bands from 1986 and the front bumper of an Acura Legend.
  • Michigan at Northwestern, 4:30 PM, FOX. Later in the set – consider the 3:30 PM slot just opening acts for Medium-Sized Adult Son Jim. As a part-time Michigan fan that looks forward to converting to full-time in 17 years, Michigan can elevate themselves to Serious Big Ten Contender status with a 14+ point win here. Northwestern is tricky, but this is their worst team since 2013.

BASEBALL:

  • Dodgers at Giants, 4:05 PM. Normally, you wouldn’t care about this, but the Dodgers are fighting just to make the playoffs with an absolutely loaded roster. The Giants have nothing to play for at all, but it always seems like they play LA tough.

NON-SPORTS:

  • The Fast and the Furious: Tokyo Drift, 4:20 PM, VH1. Ha, nice.
  • Forensic Files, 3:30 PM, HLN. The most rewatchable show on television.
  • The Office, 3:30 PM, Comedy Central. “Murder” and “Shareholders Meeting”.
  • Chopped, 3:00 PM, Food Network. CHOPPED.

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