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Retraction Regarding My Freedom From Deodorant

On Monday afternoon, I made my declaration of freedom from daily deodorant use.

Unfortunately, I must issue a retraction from my post. In it I wrote the following:

I didn’t wear deodorant, and no one complained that I stunk. People still liked me. My girlfriend still loved me.

Maybe I got too boastful. Perhaps my newfound confidence ironically left me open to vulnerability I wasn’t ready to handle. After posting that I was out in the open as a non-deodorant user, I went down to my apartment’s gym and got a nice little quick workout in.

Upon the completion of my workout, my girlfriend was just getting home for the day. As soon as she got around me she blurted out, with no regard for my heart or feelings, “OMG YOU STINK!”

I didn’t wear deodorant, and my girlfriend complained that I stunk really badly. People no longer liked me. My girlfriend still loved me but that love had an expiration date.

Now, I’m addicted to the freedom.  There’s no going back to that shackled-life. I know why the caged bird sings. And I refuse to ever have my wings clipped again.

I’ll never forget what it was like to live with ultimate confidence. I have been handcuffed and hogtied. I’m singing the sorrowful song of the caged sparrow. Tomorrow, I’m back on the powder.

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