With the 2018 NFL Scouting Combine coming to a close on Monday, the NFL’s next batch of rookies has effectively completed one of the most difficult, scrutinized job interviews in the world.
One of the stages includes answering questions from the media and from individual franchises. Most questions are pretty routine, which is a real shame, considering the Combine is an opportunity to test the players and make them uncomfortable to see how they respond. The following questions are ones that should’ve been asked:
What is your deepest fear?
You could learn a lot about the player from this one. If he says “spiders” or “snakes,” he’s probably a pretty normal guy. If he says “failure,” the whole room should collectively roll their eyes. If he tries to quote that scene from Coach Carter, laugh at him before he can finish.
When there’s something strange in your neighborhood, who you gonna call?
Any answer other than the neighborhood watch or the police means this guy’s kids may be in genuine danger if there is actually something strange going on in their neighborhood.
What are you thinking about?
The dreaded question all of our girlfriends have asked us at least once.
Who did you vote for in the previous presidential election?
It’s only appropriate to talk about politics in such a public setting.
Which came first, the chicken or the egg?
If they don’t break down the evolutionary theory as to which came first, then their draft stock will start to plummet.
Do you have any references?
What job interview would be complete without some qualified, credible professional references?
Who is the worst player in this draft class?
Come on, we’re all thinking it. Someone has to be the worst player in the draft, it’s just the natural order of the sport. It might say a lot about the player as well. If he says a kicker or punter, throw him out with the special teams group and see if he can do better. The only right answer is a player from his college’s rival school.
What is the air-speed velocity of an unladen swallow?
African or European? You have to know these things when you’re a king.
Is a hot dog a sandwich?
With all the debates currently flying around the internet, this one is possibly the most hotly-contested. Any soon-to-be professional athlete is bound to have a well-informed opinion on the subject.
Why did you score (insert score here) on the Wonderlich test?
This is bound to have some interesting answers, both for good and bad scores.
How do you like your steak cooked?
The answer has to be rare, here. It’s just a fundamental part of being an NFL-caliber player. In fact, it may actually be in the rule book.
What do you do in your free time?
This one may have actually been asked. If it was, the answers across the board weren’t nearly interesting enough. Could you imagine if a big, ugly defensive lineman stepped up and said his hobby was stamp collecting? Or if a stud, 6-foot-6-inch wide receiver admitted he loved bird watching? There’s so many different answers that could make headlines.
What is something you did before it was cool?
If they have any semblance of a genuine answer here, they’re hipsters and deserve to drop a couple of rounds in the draft. Being hipster is so 2014, bro.
How many licks does it take to get to the Tootsie Roll Center of a Tootsie Pop?
On average, about 364.
What is your favorite kind of dog?
This would also have some pretty revealing answers. Offensive linemen probably prefer bigger, smarter dogs. Quarterbacks likely stick to the shepherding breeds (looking at you and that cute little Australian Shepherd, Aaron Rogers). Kickers and punters by and large probably save the most dogs from shelters, just like they save their teams from losing close games.
Which weighs more? A ton of bricks or a ton of feathers?
This always gets at least one person. Everybody laugh at him!
What are dreams?
See if they were paying attention in that Psychology 101 class they took freshmen year.
What is the capital of Indiana?
The Combine is in Indianapolis. Indianapolis is the capital of Indiana. They should know the capital of Indiana, as they would have, in fact been in the capital of Indiana at the moment they were asked this question.
How long are you supposed to wait after eating before swimming?
Trick question, you don’t have to wait at all. That 30 minute thing all of our parents told us was a lie.
Is Joe Flacco elite?
Any answer other than “No”, and they should immediately be put into concussion protocol.