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F.L.O.R.I.D.A. Sucks

We know it’s not football, but Florida still sucks … we just wanted to point that out

It’s that day again. Florida is coming into town for the newest edition of one of the nastiest rivalries in the SEC. Vol fans hate Florida fans, and Florida fans hate Vol fans. Every time the Vols play the Gators, Vol Nation must show Gator fans why the Tennessee sports programs are superior. Here, I have spelled out Florida, with 7 different reasons of why Florida sucks.

F – Florida State’s Inferior
Going 1-7 against your biggest rival in the last 8 meetings is quite the accomplishment. The Noles have dominated the series, and have outscored the Gators 235-114 in those games. In one of the worst losses, Florida managed to score a measly 2 points against FSU in 2015, which was the lowest amount of points Florida had scored in 372 games (or since 1988).

In fact, Florida is winless at home against their rival in the last 4 meetings in Gainesville, which shows that being an opponent in Ben Hill Griffin Stadium is not a guaranteed loss.

L – Lucky Wins
Where do I even start with lucky wins for Florida sports programs?

Everyone remembers Chris Chiozza’s 3-pointer to send Florida to the Elite Eight last year. With possibly one of the ugliest shots in tournament history, Chiozza jumped from behind the 3-point line and threw up a one-handed tear drop to seal the deal over Wisconsin 84-83.

In football, Florida always seems to win in the dumbest and luckiest way possible. From winning a 9-7 thriller in Gainesville against Vandy in 2015, to the 2017 63-yard Hail Mary, to the 2015 4th and 14 play against Tennessee, and throwing to an unguarded receiver against Kentucky to win in 2017, Florida’s wins can be unbearable to watch.

O – Overrated
The dynamic of Florida’s basketball team this year has been quite humorous.

The Gators were ranked no. 5 earlier in the season, but have since fallen out and barely found their way back into the top-25. They have lost to questionable teams such as Loyola-Chicago, Georgia twice, Ole Miss, and SEC-worst Vanderbilt who are all near the bottom of their respective divisions.

The football team has also been pretty overrated multiple times recently. In 2017, they began the season ranked 17th, but ended up 4-7. In 2013, the Gators cracked the top-10, but managed four wins yet again. Good preseason expectations for Florida basketball and football has seemed to be a curse, but it’s quite funny to watch them fall.

R – Recruiting Failures
Yes, Florida has consistently ranked higher in the annual recruiting rankings, but the quarterback situations have been hilarious.

They have consistently hauled in 4-star quarterbacks when they’re needed, but simple have been unable to develop the position since Tebow left. They have brought in four-star prospects like Feliepe Franks, Will Grier, and Treon Harris, but all of their performances have been laughable. Grier was caught for PEDs, Treon Harris was below-average at best, and Franks led Florida’s 115th-ranked passing offense to a 4-win season.

It would be sad to watch players ruin their careers elsewhere, but watching Florida quarterbacks fail never gets old.

I – Insane coaches
Florida’s coaches have always been in some form of comedic media over the past 3 regimes.

From Urban Meyer’s chest pains, to Will Muschamp chewing out his players while looking insane, Florida’s coaches are somewhat hilarious at times. Also, nobody can forget the cringe-worthy picture of Jim McElwain posing naked with a shark on a fishing boat. It seems like an annual occurrence where Florida’s head coaches give Vols fans something to make fun of.

D – DB Who?
We all know that Florida self-proclaims themselves as the “DBU,” but if we look at how they translate to the NFL, they are quite the opposite.

Teez Tabor was a healthy scratch, Quincy Wilson started 5 games, Brian Poole started 9 games, and the only bright spot for the Florida defensive back alumni was Keanu Neal. When you claim yourself as the DBU, and have only 1 defensive back in the Pro Bowl, there are clearly questions as to how Florida is the true DBU.

A – Always in Trouble
Since 2000, the Gators have lead the league in every sport…in arrests.

From the nine players suspended for felony credit card fraud to the entire situation with Aaron Hernandez, it’s something to hang your head about if you’re a Florida fan. The most interesting part is that the Gator players could be arrested for anything. Over the past 5 years, players have been caught for cocaine possession, marijuana possession, property damage, first degree murder, and even assault, so they have covered all the bases.

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