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Bachelor Squad, Week 7: Why Nick can’t take Corinne to the Fantasy Suite

Discussing Corinne, Vanessa, Nick’s idiocy and more.

Will: There were three things worth caring about in this episode:

1. Nick is a status quo cheerleader. It should’ve been obvious by now, but Nick’s whining about how hard this show is makes me sick. Yes, finding love is incredible. Maybe that’s truly what he’s searching for. But as long as we’ve seen Nick on this show, it becomes more and more clear he’d rather just stagnate and continue to date 30 random women every year for the rest of his life if it were possible. If life were perfect, this situation would never change for Nick. No progress forward nor backward; just The Bachelor, every year. This is part of why he sickens me.

His response to Vanessa telling him she’s falling in love is the latest example. Ben may have told two women he loved them, but he handled each case fairly well in a vacuum. Nick’s tepid, pathetic response is an embarrassment to males everywhere.

“I think I love you, Nick!”
“Well, I’ve got to run some regression analysis on if my heart is ready. Plus, the producers told me it’s too early to tell you what should be obvious: I think you’re good-looking but I’m sure as hell not moving to Montreal. You’re cool, though. Let me work up some feelings over the next two weeks.”

2. Danielle M.’s response to Nick’s tone-deaf “you’re so great” comment. Her reply was “not great enough,” which is all that Nick deserves. I wasn’t a big fan of Danielle, but to tell someone they’re leaving the show then to tell them that they’re great is such garbage. Unsurprisingly, Nick handles these tricky situations with the soft touch of a sledgehammer or Gyasi Zardes.

3. The Corinne quandary. As Jon explains below, it’s obvious Nick didn’t want to go any deeper with Kristina due to her family history. Danielle is/was too boring. That leaves Corinne to slide platinum butt-first into the fourth hometown slot.

I have a theory that Nick knows he has to cut her off after Hometowns next week. Why? It’s obvious how badly he wants to have relations with her. Jon’s take a month ago said Nick would rather cancel the show and do wild things with Corinne every day for two months than continuing the charade. I agree. If he invites her to the Fantasy Suite and they have sex, he’ll see an unexplored wild side he’s protected himself from to date.

Corinne would win the show, because no one else is willing to do what she’s willing to do. It would be a terrible outcome for the show, because they can’t really market Corinne as a champion. She’d simply be the bad girl willing to go way too far. In order to protect himself and the show’s brand, Corinne will depart next week. Nick can’t risk it.

Jon: Nick didn’t want to dive into Kristina’s family history.

Hometowns are around the corner, and Nick made the decision that Kristina’s past was too heavy to immerse himself in. I can sympathize. At one point, many years ago, I made a decision between two women based simply on their family. I was familiar with one- I didn’t really like them, but I was familiar- and had yet to meet the other girl’s. I decided the hassle wasn’t worth it. So, I understand, Nick. I feel you, dog. Take all the uncomfortable interactions you’ve had with your boyfriend or girlfriend’s family. Multiply that with a story of a Russian orphanage.

Besides, I’m relieved this sweet girl will maybe leave the show and go on to do positive things with her life. She’s America’s new sweetheart. Kristina has a chance to heal the schism between the United States and Russia.
Don’t go on Bachelor in Paradise, Kristina. You’re better than that.

Raven’s story about going from law school to ending up on the Bachelor made me sad. She’s also too good for this dweeb Nick. Also, THANKS FOR THE SPOILER ALERT ABOUT RACHEL NOT WINNING THIS SEASON EVEN THOUGH WE KNEW SHE OBVIOUSLY WASN’T GOING TO WIN, ABC. You can go to hell.

Chance: So, I’m back from my exile from the “Bachelor Squad” for another week of Corinne and some other people on TV. First off, last week was trash anyways, I really don’t know why you guys took the time…lots of crying and not just Nick doing it. Odd, right? This week we learned more from Corinne, “My heart is gold, but my vagine is platinum.”

I mean what can you say about Corinne? Girl has all the one-liners of a broke Mississippi pimp, but this is why she will be a star in our hearts, especially when she steals the show on “Bachelor in Paradise” over the Summer months.

The greatest takeaway stemming from this season and what seems to be the #SpoilerAlert of 2017 is that Rachel will be the next “Bachelorette.” The Hollywood Reporter, along with Entertainment News broke the story on Twitter during the show that ABC has chosen the younger “Robin Givens” look-alike to break the color barrier for ABC’s Bachelor/Bachelorette season after 33 combined seasons. Bravo, ABC––it’s ABOUT TIME.

So, we head to the hometown with Rachel, Corinne, Vanessa and Raven. Raven is becoming my newest favorite (would be Rachel, but you know…), although Corinne remains a strong favorite. I think Nick might really like her more, but she deserves to be in Paradise, I need her in Paradise.

Heading to Hoxie, AR to see Raven’s dad should be interesting, right? Razorbacks fan, that southern draw Raven has, we got to see a shotgun in the next episode. We also get to see what Raquel is all about, even if she is overhyped like a Coach K team in March. I can only hope that Rachel’s dad is the Uncle Phil type. That’s all I can imagine when thinking of a federal judge in Texas, and you too, I’m just saying it.

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