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Bachelor Squad, Week 4: Power ranking the remaining women

Corinne loves corn, the Bachelor Squad loves Danielle L., and more.

The Bachelor Squad is back for another week. Let’s talk about last night’s episode. Not the best, huh? Milwaukee isn’t my favorite, either. Probably as good of a tourism video as they’ll get, though. Anyway, Chance, Jon and Will discuss this week’s episode below.

Will: This was the least-entertaining episode of the season for me. Milwaukee seems like a decent city, but it isn’t built for reality television. Also, where was Giannis Antetokounmpo? Or Tony Snell?!?

Anyway, the whole cast goes to Milwaukee after a boring rose ceremony where Christen and a girl I do not remember a thing about were kicked off. Danielle L. got the first date and I’m really having trouble envisioning a scenario where she isn’t in the final four. They made cookies (of Chris Harrison) and then went to a concert with a singer who looked like the sixth derivative of White Guy Soft Rock, so I tuned out. Regardless, Nick is into her.

When I’m picking activities I expect Corinne to do well at, literally shoveling s— ranks dead last. She had yet another boom/bust episode. A pretty by-the-numbers toast at the rose ceremony wasn’t very interesting. She’s a closer, though. By the end, she was grabbing her chest and asking the producers if she was “immature.” Also, she compared herself to a corn stalk in the way people compare themselves to onions. It is by far the greatest moment I have ever seen on the Bachelor.

Shoutout to Raven, who is effortlessly charming but probably will not win the final prize. Her date is my favorite of the season so far – roller rink, a gorgeous art museum, and great lighting. It’s perfect!

Here’s my power rankings in terms of their success within this season:

10. Alexis
9. Jasmine
8. Astrid
7. Kristina
6. Danielle M.
5. Rachel
4. Corinne
3. Danielle L.
2. Raven
1. Vanessa

JonHas a phrase uttered on the Bachelor ever been sadder than “We’re going to Wisconsin!”

Well, okay, yeah there probably have been many, many more embarrassing and depressing phrases than that considering the type of people throughout this show’s history. You go on the Bachelor expecting some pretty cool dates and trips. These girls had no intention of going to Wisconsin.

By the way, why would they expect to go farming in Wisconsin? Nick did not know what the hell he was doing.  “Uh, hey. I’ve seen a farm before. Let’s go and play with the cows, and I’ll show you all of the cool farm things that I’ve never done!” Give me a break. Did you see him trying to bottle feed that calf? Poor form! Did you see him trying to milk that cow? Everyone would have died from lack of nutrition if it were up to Nick. Sad!

Corinne’s performance really displayed her true genius. The great athletes put up big performances without necessarily dominating the game. Ever watch LeBron James and feel like he’s just going through the motions and then in the fourth quarter his stats flash across the screen and he has 33 points, 13 rebounds, and 8 assists? That was Corinne last night.

Halfway through the episode, I found myself thinking, “Corinne has been kind of boring this episode.” And then I hear her comparing herself to a cornstalk, grabbing her breasts as proof she’s not immature, and saying that it’s okay she slept through the rose ceremony because Michael Jordan and Abraham Lincoln both took naps at one point.

It feels as if this show has turned into who can be likable enough to lose but still be considered to be next season’s Bachelorette.

Power Rankings:

  1. Danielle L.
  2. Raven
  3. Danielle M
  4. Vanessa
  5. Jasmine
  6. Taylor
  7. Corinne – I still can’t take her serious as a contender. Does she survive the 2-on-1 date next week with Taylor? It doesn’t feel like this season can really get serious until Corinne is gone, but it also feels like the biggest reason to watch leaves with her a la Chad from last season’s Bachelorette.
  8. Jaimi
  9. Last: The hot dog lady who kind of looks like Mr. Penguin

ChanceWell, another doozy of a Bachelor episode. We didn’t get too much this episode simply because of the locale of choice but the drama is always there if you’re paying attention.

First of all, lame move by Nick with the hometown date so early. By hometown, I’m not referring to the coveted “hometown stage,” but he took so many beautiful women to his podunk town in Milwaukee to which I have already forgotten the name. You look desperate, Nick, and we thought you had learned by now.

Corinne per usual has stolen the episode again. Whether it be the fact that she needs Raquel (her nanny) every step of the way or her insane amount of nap time, the girl has the long-con going. Now, I have to admit, I about lost it, when Corinne inserted herself upon the upper echelon with Michael Jordan and Abraham Lincoln, but she owns it and this girl wants to win.

In the words of Mike Singletary, “I want winners!” And also in the words of Corinne, “Michael Jordan took naps, Abraham Lincoln took naps, and he invented the light bulb.”

The most excitement came from the teaser altercation that’s been brewing for quite some time with Taylor and Corinne. I don’t think Taylor will be the last to square off with the “people’s champ,” and I pray she isn’t. I need more catty squabbles with Corinne, because let’s just get one thing straight, it’s Corinne’s world and we are all just living in it.

With the number of weeks slowly winding down, here is my Bachelor Power Rankings so far:

10. Josephine
9. Jaimi
8. Alexis
7. Kristina
6. Jasmine G.
5. Rachel
4. Sarah
3. Danielle M.
2. Corinne
1. Danielle L.

 

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