It’s hard to keep the Crimson Tide from rolling. Tennessee football hasn’t done it since 2006, and Georgia learned that lesson the hard way in the National Championship back in January. But officials at the Alcorn County jail in Mississippi managed to do it when they prevented an apparent Alabama fan from rolling into jail with a cocaine-filled Bible.
— FOX13 Memphis (@FOX13Memphis) February 26, 2018
Like any honest, God-fearing ‘Bama fan, Jolona Nicole Lambert was bravely facing her sentence with the two most important things: some team gear and a Bible. Unfortunately for her, officials discovered and confiscated the third-most important thing, hidden between the glued-together pages of the Good Book. After being caught, it looks like she’ll have to go without the sweet comfort of everyone’s favorite Schedule II drug. At least she’ll have the warm glow that comes from supporting college football’s most dominant program.
Honestly, it’s not surprising she got caught. Alcorn County is squarely in Ole Miss territory, just under two hours outside of Oxford. And we should all know by now that you can’t skirt around the rules in Rebel country. Maybe someday Hugh Freeze will get the chance to teach her that she should’ve just blamed it on an assistant.
It might be a while until that day comes. Lambert was arrested and charged with introduction of contraband into a correctional facility. In this case, it seems that “It just means more” is referring to jail time.
Maybe she thought God’s protection would make the cocaine undetectable. Or perhaps she believed that whatever dark force Nick Saban sold his soul to would help her out. Either way, it seems that Corinth, MS is out of their jurisdiction.
There are few lessons we can take away from this. First, don’t try sneaking cocaine into jail. It just doesn’t work. Second, and most important, don’t wear an Alabama sweatshirt anywhere, but especially to jail. First impressions are hugely important, and you don’t want people to think so negatively of you right off the bat.